"No way," Tom countered draining his own drink and waving the empty glass to punctuate his words "There's nothing sexy about a girl with a pair of beach balls bolted to her chest. Give me a perky natural pair any day."
Behind the bar Helena rolled her eyes. These two wankers had been at this for hours. Getting louder and more misogynistic with each drink they'd ordered.
"Okay lads," she cut in "Wind it in will you."
"Aw, don't be so sensitive darling," Tom slurred his eyes locked on her chest "We're just chatting."
"Yeah," Conrad chimed in "what's the matter, can't handle the bants?"
That did it, Helena's patients with these clowns was exhausted.
"Oh, you boys are so funny," she giggled, putting on a bright smile that never reached her eyes "Why don't I get you another, on the house."
The lads eagerly agreed too drunk to wonder about her sudden change in attitude.
Helena reached under the bar and produced a pair of unlabelled brown glass bottles.
"Here you go lads," she said pouring rich amber liquid into two glasses "something from my personal reserve."
The two men exchanged looks, even through the fog of booze there was something off about this. Still, a free pint was a free pint and neither of them was about to it turn down. As one they each lifted a glass and drained it in a single fluid motion.
"Urrrp!" Belched Conrad approvingly "not bad, not bad at all."
"Yeah," Tom agreed "Dead smooth, bit of a weird after taste though. What is that, cinnamon?"
"Magic," Helena told him matter of factly "one of the most potent potions I've ever brewed."
The boys blinked in confusion.
"Say what?" Conrad asked his voice pitching higher as he spoke "Don't tell we you're one of those new age wicca weirdos…"
"Connie!" Tom interrupted his friend "What's wrong with your voice? You almost sound like a girl."
"What? No I don't," insisted Connie his voice settling into a husky feminine register "if anyone is like a girl round here it's you Tina. About time you got a hair cut isn't it?"
"Fuck off," Tina retorted running slim fingers through long waist length hair that had been a sever crewcut when he'd walked in "nothing wrong with my hair. I'm not the one that's been eyeing up the five aside team since they walked in."
Connie's pretty face blushed under the heavy makeup she was suddenly wearing.
"Was not!" She insisted the black kitten heels that had replaced her trainers clicking on the floor as she stomped her dainty foot "if anyone's acting like a slut round here it's you. Strutting around with your arse hanging out of that skirt and that trashy top."
"Hey, I like this outfit, it's sexy," Tina protested the last traces of her old male self vanishing into her new persona "Better than dressing like a school teacher. What's the matter worried that those fat udders of yours will escape if you try to squeeze them into anything other than old lady clothes?"
"Your just jealous" the short busty woman that Conrad had become countered "ever since I had the girls upgraded the boys have been all over me and you've had to settle for my leftovers."
"No way, real men prefer the real thing" Tina maintained
"Nu-uh" Connie shook her head "Bigger is always better."
"Bitch!"
"Cow!"
Behind the bar Helena rolled her eyes as the transformed friends fall back into their ridiculous argument. It seemed like no amount of reality warping magic can stop these two being a pair of annoying tossers. The bickering soon escalated to the newly minted sluts pulling down their tops and demanding the male customers choose which set of boobs was best.
After that Helena really didn't have a choice she had to throw them out. The girls pouted but soon brightened up when a couple of good looking guys offered to walk them home.
She watched them leave with a sigh. Maybe they'll finally get a definitive answer to the question of who has it better. More likely they'll continue to disagree but the important thing is they'll be out of her hair.
"That's time gentleman please," Helena calls turning her attention back to her work "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here!"
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